Hey guys i know i havent been really postig anything anymore but recently ive been in a big loop of depression... No this isnt a journal for you to feel bad for me its not anything like that. im only saying this because im currently thinking about canceling the two comics i have been working on.....
Circus Syndrome and Possession. I know there has been multiple point where i said i was thinking about it but now i really am. I havent really been up to do anything and i know itll eventually show in my comic how unmotivated ive been becoming. I dont want my comics to be lazy or shitty all because of depression. Go ahead and call me a wimp due to it but i really dont care. im not moticated for anything and im pretty much always sad at this point. and im sorry for letting it get this bad. When my depression kicks in i normally ignore it and draw but now its like... I havent even opened my sketchbook all week.
Therefor i think it diserves a tiny bit o explanation....
I have none.
I have No explanation why im feeling this way especially since i was actually doing so much better.
i WANT to fucking kno but it doesnt come to mind why. so you know what.
Oh well.
Im going to wait and im going to hope it passes.
Ontop of my start of spiraling depression on saturday, Today around 8 I went to someone house that i had kinda had a fight with. more like she was acting like the biggest child... and you kno what i know i fucked up that day because i hit her. Once. In the arm. To make her shut the fuck up and stop throwing her fucking hissy fit. ontop of that she always hit me so it was payback. Today i went by and some things were said we said sorry and then i asked her mom for help and even offered to pay her. and she looked at me with a look of disgust and said "Im so dissapointed in you. You come here and ask for help after hurting my daughters feelings. And ou just expect me to help?" You see i wouldt have been this bothered if i didnt literally with my heart and soul Call her my MOM and MEANT IT. My real mom wasnt the best woman and it just brought back so many fears and so many memories and pain. im going on and off crying. If you say its stupid then go ahead and think it is. But i loved and cared for these people with my soul and considered them my fucking family especially since my own family just sweeps me aside. an then the push me aside, Like i never meant anything to them. And then proceeded to be an ass to someone that was there the day it happened who just wanted to give me and his side of our fucking story. and it hurts.
its like having someone you care for so much just turn around, look at you and tell you straight to you face that your a worthless piece of shit to them and that they hate you..... God i know im rambling but im on and off crying to the poin i have a fucking migraine rn.
Im sorry but the cancelation of Circus syndrome and possession May most likely be put into affect. I need to be able to think. and itll be in affect until i find motication and a fucking point.
I apologize to anyone who was looking forward to the comics.
And i apologize to anyone who is looking forward to some actual art and not some shitty not well thought out journals.
Im sincerely sorry for anything i have done to you in the past and sorry for getting anyones hopes up.....
Sincerely,
Dillian Aka Slurred wording...